The Energy You Bring

Remember those first dates you had with your lover(s), years and years ago? The butterflies in your stomach, the shiver in your spine, the tingling in your heart? It’s totally possible for a couple in a long-term relationship to feel the juicy sparks of romance again, and the good news is you don’t have to wait for your partner to initiate anything (which, let’s face it, is really good news). Because what makes a date hot is not what you do. It’s primarily how you are. It’s about the energy you bring to the occasion.

It’s a rule of nature that opposites attract. Two poles of a magnet draw each other. What keeps the spark of passion alive in a relationship is the beautiful dance of masculine and feminine polarity between partners. This is true even of same-gender couples. The energy you choose to embody will attract its energetic counterpart. If you’ve fallen into the rut of acting like cohabiting friends or parents, the way to reignite the spark of courtship is to consciously embody your feminine energy, which will inspire and call forward the masculine energy in your partner.

I know you have laundry to fold, dishes to wash, bills to pay, business presentations to prepare, and that it’s way more comfortable to walk around in sweat pants most of the time and then wing it on “date night” every so often. But here’s the thing: Consciously cultivating your feminine energy isn’t only going to make for hotter dates, it’s going to make your life more pleasurable in general, because it is, at its core, a sensual, radiant, body-focused energy.

Here are some ways you can soften into your feminine energy, not just on date nights but every day:

Focus on your senses. Massage your muscles with good-smelling body butter. Take a candlelit bath with aromatic essential oils—or a hot shower if you don’t like baths. Stretch and roll on a yoga mat. Dance with others or alone. Throughout the day, let your body move however it needs, with sounds and breath. Walk in nature to take in all its sensory pleasures: the warmth of sunlight, the caress of the breeze, the smell of ripe fruit, the rough edges of rocks underneath your heels.

Touch your body. Connect with it deeply. Get to know it intimately. Consider this: If you had the most attentive, sensitive and thoughtful lover in the world, how would you like to be touched by him? Learn to give that to yourself first. Self-touch can be a nice warm-up to put you in the mood for a date—or it can be where the date begins. Your partner might find nothing more arousing than watching you savor your own body. Very soon, he will not be able to resist the temptation to join you.

Consciously transition from masculine to feminine. Give yourself ample time to transition from the masculine, results-oriented mode of your day—be it organizing a work meeting or running errands—into your free-flowing, pleasure-based feminine energy when the work day is done. Take slow, deep breaths. Play with your pet. Put on some music. Let your fingers trace and linger on your own curves.

Let the energy, and anticipation, build. On date night, get ready separately from each other. No plucking your eyebrows in front of him. No peeking into the bathroom as he’s shaving. Allow the tension and excitement to build. Stoke the fire of anticipation.

The more your feminine energy feels like a home base to you, the more you’ll start thinking like a seductress. You’ll get inspiration on what to do and how to be, such as whipping up something succulent that you two can feed each other, putting luxurious sheets on the bed and spraying a light mist of scent, performing a playful striptease, or playing a grownup game.

Remember, it’s not what you do, it’s how you are. Feel sensual in your body. Love and pleasure yourself. Then invite your partner into that space with you.

In Love & Service,


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