No one wants to be told that they might be having poor /subpar sex with their wives or partners. BUT in my work with men I have found over and over that men don’t know that are having subpar or even bad boring sex. Men think that if they are having orgasms in their sexual relationships than it must mean that the sex is good.
What is subpar sex?
To me subpar sex is ordinary habitual sex. One of the habits in subpar can be that your sole focus is in attaining an orgasm or giving an orgasm to your partner. We can call it mutual masturbation or we might call this goal orientation sex.
Subpar sex is when we are NOT truly and intimately present with the moment OR with our partner. Not being present can look like you being distracted in fantasy, or you are distracted by sensations or emotions.
It can be a lack of rapture, a lack of sensual exploration and deep pleasure. It can be a lack of spiritual connection to your heart and your partner’s heart.
For men subpar sex may include a neediness for validation, a validation that you are a good lover. This takes you out of authentically relating and into being a performer (but your performance is usually based on what you think she likes, not what she really desires)
Men are more than willing to overlook and ignore that they are having subpar sex. They are willing to overlook it because to change it would require you looking at yourself. I mean REALLY having an honest look inward. When you look you may find that are actually responsible for being a poor lover.
Having an honest look inward about your sexual life can be very confronting, but could be the most rewarding experience of your life.
In Love & Service,