I coach and do bodywork daily for men and women who are struggling to make any sense of our crazy dating and relationship landscape. They are searching for someone with whom they have a profound resonance. It is why I work with my clients to shift the paradigm of dating and relationships.
We work to remove old conditioning and narratives of limiting and sometimes harmful ideas on how we should interact with someone who has caught our eye and what is and is not acceptable. Conscious love is a method which honors and respects us as individuals. This method offers us an emotionally heathy way to find, nurture, and keep love.
This process is about attracting people who are in line with our most authentic and strongest self and building a luscious and healing connection which stands the test of time. It’s not about creating superficial illusions or wearing a mask.
Here are five ways you can begin to lay the foundation on a more conscious and empowering form of dating and interacting with your relationship that I have seen work wonders in my clients lives, but also in my own relationship.
1) Foster and practice depth in ourselves.
Respecting ourselves means we don’t put our desire for a relationship above listening to our own heart, body, mind, spirit, and honoring the messages received. Do not demean yourself or put yourself down; rather, see yourself as the divine and sensual being you are. When we cut ourselves down, we tend to choose partners who mirror the lack of respect we have for ourselves.
When we respect ourselves, we are then able to turn that into attracting someone who respects us. Additionally, when we respect ourselves we do not tolerate disrespect. We make better and more-evolved choices about who it is we allow to stay in our lives and our hearts.
2) Always come from a place of truth.
How many of us have kept what we felt to ourselves because we thought it was what we were supposed to do? How many of us claimed to enjoy something our dates were interested in because we wanted to seem more relatable? So many of us do it, then we wonder why we feel we have to wear a mask all the time and why—when the mask inevitably breaks apart and our true self shows—the relationship wanes.
It’s because we were not behaving from a place that reflected our wants, needs, and ideals.
We were too interested in attracting someone who we failed to realize we were presenting a figment—an illusion. Striving for total authenticity is a must for those wishing to attract a spiritual relationship through this conscious love method. It makes the interaction all the more honest and substantial. They will have a chance to get to know us for us and allows us to put down the mask and get down to the business of being who we truly are.
3) Foster a deep and unending desire for knowledge and expansion.
It is important that we always express a deep curiosity about who we are, how we think, and how we interact in our lives. Pushing ourselves out of both our emotional and physical comfort zones helps to ensure we are evolving and learning from our achievements as well as our mistakes.
Growth within creates growth in our lives. We attract those in line with our vibration, our interests, and will ultimately find someone who is willing to be just as expansive in their own growth. A spiritual and profound connection is not one where only one of you is willing to do the work on self—so it’s not just about finding someone, but finding the right someone.
4) Cultivate and practice radical self-love.
If we all could treat ourselves with the same loving kindness that we would a small child or a puppy, we would find many of our relationships drastically change. When we love ourselves fully it means we accept ourselves, warts and all.
We must stop ripping apart our thighs, our penchant for talking fast, or the fact that we don’t look like the models in the magazines (little secret: neither do the models in the magazines) and instead gift ourselves the sacred love our bodies, minds, and hearts have seen and done some serious ‘ish and should be loved and respected.
When we do this, we begin to make choices which reflect this love. We begin to see our relationships mirror this sacred love. In order to receive healthy, true, and lasting love, we must first show it to ourselves, amply.
5) Make a commitment to feeling good.
When we put our hands to a hot burner it feels awful, right? It hurts and we know better than to do it again; and yet, when it comes to dating, so many of us continue to partake in patterns that offer us no pleasure or sense of spiritual depth at all—in fact many hurt us deeply.
When we make a commitment to only seek out those things which feel good and make us happy, we slowly weed out the people and types of connections that drag us and our relational sectors down.
Spiritual connections feel good and seek to uplift us. When we set the foundation for this pleasure (and healthy pleasure at that), we give permission for others to do the same for themselves and to bring this feel-good feeing back to our relationships.
Though many of these steps may seem rather simple, their effects are profound and apply to anyone looking for spiritual love or trying to foster a more conscious relationship with their existing love. These are methods that challenge us to put down the mask, to work on ourselves, and understand the direct correlation between the love we have for ourselves and the love we receive from others. Though they require a bit more effort than some of the “get love quick” gimmicks, the work is well worth the chance to receive and experience a more empowering form of love.
In Love & Service,